No Longer Bound ;); That's Right.

I received another encouraging word today, ironically from my first physical sale. She says that she left the book lying out at home, and the babysitter sat down to read it while the baby napped. The babysitter said, “I didn’t make it to the TV. Normally I sit down to watch TV while he sleeps, but not today!”

I feel like a lack of present finance is my greatest limitation, yet, it has not truly been. I am getting the feedback I need to keep pressing on.

Another critic and literary mastermind, Shaik, read the book and said, “I expected more from you. You seem to be afraid to linger in the darker emotions. You musn’t be afraid.”

He was exactly right. I was afraid to linger in the dark spots because I didn’t want to be judged by my more conservative readers. After all, prior to this year, I would be considered more of a conservative person. I attended church four times out of the week. I didn’t dance. I didn’t change my hair. I only wore expected clothes, expected expressions. I only voiced expected thoughts. Quite frankly, I was leaning toward total social isolation.

Now, I’m a bit more “liberal” as they say. I am not afraid to be all of me, which includes writing characters that I believe are closer to reality.

Reality is pretty dark, and pretty dirty, and pretty anti-conservative.

My intention is not to encourage lewd behaviors or inappropriate lifestyles. My goal is to expose the everyday-ness of “dark” choices. The “dark side” is everywhere. The only true way to discuss “darkness” is to uncover it and add a bit of light. Aren’t I a good enough candle bearer?

And if I choose to shed light on these things, these taboo, not-talked-about things, does that make me dirty?

I used to think it would, that telling stories about true things would leave me outcast. But guess what? I was outcast while trying to fit in. SO then, I guess my greatest limitation could never be money.

My greatest limitation is my own personal fear: fear of non-acceptance, fear of judgment, fear of failure and fear and the future.

I refuse to allow my fears to limit my drive to share truth, in stories, with the world.

I refuse to allow my fear of limits to impose REAL LIMITS on my life.

I refuse to hide myself to satisfy the comfort levels of others.

And quite frankly, if I don’t sell Anita, it will be because I was too afraid of what people would say about her, what people would say about me.

I can’t go down like that, not after ten years of writing, a year of publication and whole lifetime of dreaming. I can’t just quit because of prejudice.

Neither can I quit because it doesn’t look like what I thought it would.

That’s for real.