"Permission," A Piece for Jasper's Children

My children,
my absence is
not permission
for you to
quit.

It is proof
that I am
human.

It is proof
that when I feel pain,
it hurts,
just like yours does.

When I am disappointed,
it burns deep in my soul,
like you have felt
so often.

When I am sad,
it festers and swells
and must be flushed,
like your sadness.

And being human,
I am subject to
all the laws of humanity:
sickness and health,
wealth and poverty,
and eventually death
(like you).

Life occurs in seasons,
ups and downs and sideways,
alley ways and valleys,
mountains and long tumbles down,
shouting and violence,
silence and tears in dark rooms...

It is all true.

Yet,
that is not permission
to lay down and
believe that
there is no hope
for striving.

You can't see me
striving,
but this is my guarantee.

I am tricked out in hospital gowns,
and keeping my face clean,
and taking medications,
and waking up with expectation each morning
because sickness
is not permission
for me
to throw in the towel
and forget my life's purpose.

Just as you couldn't see me
heartbroken when your hearts broke,
weeping bitterly when you wept,
angry when you got angry
(because a leader must be cool),
you cannot see me now,
but you can see my heart.

You have learned more
in my absence
than I could have ever taught you
sitting pretty at my desk
or walking your sidewalks.

Sometimes,
life hits you
hard
and in the back
when
you're
not expecting it.

You are not allowed
to look up at God
and complain
that the strike is unfair.

You must anticipate
strikes
from all directions
because
no one is exempt.

You don't get
permission
to ride life out
without challenges.

Challenges
grow you.

You are not allowed
to settle
for whatever is left over.

You must fight for
your rightful inheritance.

You must
raise up yourself
on whatever
strength
you possess
in the time of your struggle.

You must
let others love you
when
you are not sure
of how to love
yourself.

Finally,
you must stop pretending
that you can stop life
from striking you first.

Me being away is just proof
that nobody gets a free pass,
and I refuse to let you think
that my absence
is my abuse
of some cosmic hall pass.

I am being schooled right now,
and I have to keep showing up,
like you.

Nobody
is
letting me out
early.

-T. D. James-Moss